Operation Fit Into Pants: The Introduction

Hi, my name is Emily, and I got fat.

It's hard to admit and it sucks, but at least I'm lucky to say it happened in the best way possible - no stress eating, pill popping, lazy thyroid, or heartbreak - just good old fashioned eating whatever I want whenever I want. For the past 5 years.

Ever since getting in shape for my friend's beach wedding in 2010, things have been taking a downward spiral when it comes to health. It got especially out of control when I moved to NYC a few years ago and had to choose between spending on a gym membership or being able to eat. Obviously, I chose food. My weekdays were made up of happy hours and apps followed by a late night bagel if I needed to soak up the booze and avoid a hangover. Weekends started with a boozy brunch and ended with Thai food and a Real Housewives marathon in my roommates bed. Then I met my boyfriend a year and a half ago and he courted me by taking me out to eat like 5 times a week complete with cocktails to start, bottles of wine with a 3 course dinner, and dessert. He got the girl, and the girl started ripping all her expensive jeans in the butt/thigh area when trying to squeeze them on.

Ergo, it's time for a change! Starting now I am forcing myself and some of my loved ones to complete a Whole30 with me.  If you are unfamiliar here is the gist - no sugar, no carbs, no dairy, no soy, no legumes, and no alcohol for 30 days. Basically all you can eat is fruit (natural sugar is ok), vegetables, proteins, and nuts. 

This is obviously a big change. Just to fully the drive the point home on how much I need this here is a list of the things I ate while on a ski retreat with friends this past weekend:

- Copius amounts of red wine

- Pizza (for dinner and the following breakfast)

- A snickers bar

- A hotdog

- Shots of moonshine

- Chips

- Pasta

- French Fries

- Waffles

- Long Island Ices Teas

- Bud lights (including shotgunning one while kicking it old school and losing a game of Fuck the Dealer)

- Ice Cream
- Skinnygirl Margarita (because you gotta watch those calories)

- A Bagel with cream cheese

- 3 Munchkins

- A Cadbury Egg

- Buffalo Chicken Dip

- Mexican Dip

- All the cheese

So basically I need to do this to save myself from that slippery slope that is perusing the Lane Bryant catalog to suffering from bed sores. Follow my experience here where I will document each day what it is like going from happy hour to cauliflower. Wish me luck!